Wish List

CBS losing Billy Packer has me in a fantastic mood. Not as happy as had they promoted Gus Johnson to call the Final Four, I nearly lost control over my bodily functions during his call of Ohio State vs. Xavier 2 years ago, but still happy. It also got me thinking about other things I would like to see:

1. I want a jousting tournament at the Olympics. You select some people from all different events and you have them run at each other with modified javelins. Can you honestly tell me that you are uninterested in seeing Tyson Gay throwdown with Lithuania's top female weight-lifter? It's a classic matchup with speed vs. brawn and the gold is on the line.

2. Home announcers for every game. I like Hawk and DJ calling my White Sox games, and I understand that plenty of Cubs fans hate the two. Fine. Easy solution to remedy, each team brings their own announcers to a game and the game is simulcast on the same channel. Or in the case of Sox/Cubs on WGN and Comcast. It's not fair that in a big game or playoff game you have to listen to Joe Morgan, Joe Buck, Jon Lester, or Tim McCarver. There is only one great baseball announcer, Vin Sculley, and until he starts calling national games, I at least want guys on my side calling the game.

3. I want Matthew McConaughy to fly his plane into a mountain and I want Justin Timberlake to be on it. I don't understand why JT became a respected member of our society. He was part of the worst music phenomenon in the history of sound, is incompetent as an actor, and public undressed a woman. How Janet Jackson get blamed for the Super Bowl fiasco when it was Justin who ripped her booby armor off? I defy any man reading this to go out, rip a woman's shirt off, and have the audacity to blame her because she had nothing else on. Just don't be surprised when I don't bail you out of prison.

4. I want a penalty for "Action against the spirit of the game." This goes out to anything that while technically legal, would get you punched in the face on a playground. This includes: the Spurs playoff Hack-A-Shaq strategy, Wisconsin's players intentionally runnnig off sides on a kickoff in order to drain the clock 2 years ago, the intentional walk, and all things Terrell Owens. The penalties that would solve the aforementioned situations (in order): 2 free throws and the ball, a 15 yard penalty and no time run off the clock, runners on advancing an additional base as if the pitcher balked, and a swift kick to the back of the head.

5. I want Conference Showdowns in college football. It doesn't look like we'll be getting a playoff because college football makes too much money off non-games like the Peach Bowl. I whole-heartedly believe you can have an 8 team playoff and still have a bunch of other bowls because it's not like you'd be taking any of the meaning away from those bowls. Who cares who won the Alamo Bowl? But you've heard enough whining about a playoff, so here's something that's also fantastic: Conference Showdown. 2 Conferences, 2 games a team, and no more debates over whether it was tougher to be in the Pac-10 or Big 12. Each team plays one of the better teams in the conference and one of the lower teams in the conference. So next year we have the Big 12 vs. ACC, Pac-10 vs. Big East, and Big 10 vs. SEC. Each week would feature the top teams going at it. In one week you might see Ohio State/Florida, Michigan/Auburn, Wisconsin/Florida, Illinois/Tennessee, and Iowa/Georgia. The next week Texas/Virginia Tech, Oklahoma/Boston College, Florida State/Nebraska, Miami/Texas A&M, and triple-option Georgia Tech/ fun-n-gun Texas Tech. This would then be followed by West Virginia/USC and a left-over good matchups from the other two showdowns.

How's that for your typical blog? ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED!?!?!?!