Stephen Colbert and Squib Kicks

Stephen Colbert, one of my personal favorites and the greatest American satirist since Mark Twain, just got put into the Smithsonian's National Treasure sections. His show is currently the only funny television show on the air. I'm not sure you can debate not putting him in the National Treasure exhibit.

I'm not particularly political, although at this time of year it's hard to ignore the presidential election. This blog officially endorses any candidate not running with Sarah Palin. How insulting to intelligent people everywhere would it be if that uneducated retard who barely graduated high school and community college somehow becomes an influential figure outside of Alaska? You want to run your hick state into the ground? Cool, I don't live there. Which reminds me, why did we fight to keep the red states in the Civil War? I defy any reader to name five good things that came out of the South.

There is only one person I respect less than Sarah Palin on an intellectual level. That man is Brad Childress, who repeatedly attempted squib and pop up kicks in the Bears game to set them up at the 40-45 yard line every possession. I understand fearing Devin Hester, for he is a fearsome man, but to give up 15-20 yards on every kick to eliminate the 5% chance (4 TDs in 79 returns) that Hester breaks one shows a complete lack of basic intelligence. The squib kick is the dumbest play in football unless the play is the last one in the game. Any team down with 15 seconds to go will gladly trade the slim chance of returning a kick for 15 free yards, especially when they aren't really sacrificing any clock to get those yards.

Rays look like they are 4 games away from a World Series title. Brett Myers and Jamie Moyer will get shelled, Shields will outpitch Hamels, and the Phillies home run style (similar to that of the White Sox) does not translate well to the dome. Plus the NL is so much worse than the AL that I doubt any NL playoff team would have won more than one game in a playoff series in the AL.

The Rays are a World Series favorite, Kyle Orton is a good quarterback, Herm Edwards still hasn't been banned from the NFL, and Lou Holtz still has a job after comparing Rich Rodriguez to Hitler. Weird year for sports. But seriously, Lou Holtz is a pathetic old man who needs to be as far away from any sort of camera as possible.

The Bears will take the division. They beat the Vikes without a secondary, the offense looks entirely acceptable, and the defense forces turnovers and stops teams for scoring touchdowns. Also the team isn't entirely dysfunctional, a large advantage in a league where most teams are comically dysfunctional. For example, one team has multiple convicted criminals and just sold their future to upgrade at receiver (they have one of the most potent passing games in the league) in order to please an egomaniacal psychopath who is rarely seen wearing a shirt.

Guitar Hero 4 is just Rock Band. Interestingly, they are produced by the same people. There is no way you can justify purchasing that game. I do however give credit to the people for trying to sell the same game twice. That's the kind of weasely entrepeneurship that makes America the best country in the water. God bless this country and good night.