First, let's establish what makes a touchdown celebration great: it should make every member of the opposing team despise you, it should involve the ball, it should involve multiple teammates, no props, and it should garner at least 30 yards in penalties. Said celebrations may only be performed on special occasions: Michigan somehow kicking the **** out of Ohio State this year, the Jets taking down the New England Evil Patriots, Miami ending Florida's national title hopes (this is where I most expect it to happen), etc. With that in mind, consider the following celebrations:
1. Guy who scores takes off his helmet (15 yards right there), two other guys come over and take their helmets off (another 30 yards). The scorer hides the football under one helmet, mixes them up, and they play "Which helmet is the ball in?" like on the jumbotron. Bonus points if they are actually playing that game while the celebration occurs. This could very well be a 60 yard penalty.
2. A Charlie Brown homage in which the scorer sets up for a field goal, the heaviest guy on the field runs up for the kick, only to have the ball pulled away. It is essential that the man falls square on his ass and that he is the biggest guy out there. If the ball is run out to the 20 yard line, it should pick up 2 unsportsmanlike conduct penalties, thus meeting the 30 yard minimum.
3. One player grabs a pylon (not a prop because it's on the field) and gets into a batting stance. The other guy goes go into a windup and brushes him back, setting off a mound charging "rumble". A third guy comes in and breaks up and dramatically tosses them from the game. (I'm counting on a second penalty after the third guy dramatically tosses them to meet the 30).
4. Feel free to post your own in the comment section, I'm sure you feel you can do better.
There are no college football games this week that feature 2 Top 25 teams or a real rivalry. Which begs the question: Why are they playing games that don't have any real meaning? Scrap the cupcake schedules and bring on Conference Showdown (see the Wish List column if you don't remember).
Ben's actually going to write an article. It will be about the NFL and feature picks. I may pick against him if I find the will to do so.
Remember where I said "I'm sure South Carolina is a bad team"? Yeah well they were ranked 24 this week before losing to Vanderbilt. I wish I made my upset picks sooner because that was more obvious than the upcoming random Family Guy joke that makes no sense and goes on for way too long. Honestly, has a show ever fallen as far in 2 seasons as Family Guy did?
Upset Alert: I only have 1 this week, and it's the previosly mentioned Florida-Miami game. Why? Miami has loads of inexperienced talent and their strengths are their runnning game. How do you beat a high powered spread offense? With a good ground attack and taleneted DBs. Tim Tebow is a bad passer who rarely makes more than one read. If the hot man is covered, he checks down or takes off. That's fine but an athletic secondary can lull him to sleep and pounce to create turnovers. I wouldn't be shocked if Timmy T threw 2 picks this game. I expect epic celebratory shenanigans should Miami pull off the upset in The Swamp.
Lock: West Virginia over ECU. ECU got the kiss of death because ESPN put WVU on upset alert. I watched them last week, they have a gamebreaker at wide receiver and a quarterback who can make plays with his feet. They also makes dumb mistakes and don't play great fundamental football. People say they were a better team than VT, and that's questionable. VT is always overrated, but ECU caught a huge break on the blocked punt. Expect them to get rolled by a much more talented West Virginia team.
Underdog Who Covers: Southern Miss at Auburn. Auburn's all banged up. I don't know how good Southern Miss is this year, they were decent last year, and I don't believe very much in Auburn.
Feel that rush of wind on your skin? That was the truth train screaming by. I'll try not to run you over with it.
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2 comments:
Missed bad on the locks and upset. In my defense, my lock was the only upset and it was officiated in the most egregious manner I have seen since the Michigan-Nebraska Alamo Bowl in which a Nebraska player literally came off the bench to make a game saving tackle.
There were two plays that basically amounted to a 14 point swing in the first half. The first one being a Pat White fumble where he stretched for a first down and lost the ball against the ground. The only problem being his other hand was firmly planted out of bounds while he still had posession, thus dead ball. It was an easy call in real time, yet the first official blew it and it didn't even get reviewed, which was indefensible. The second ridiculous play was a West Virginia fumble, followed by a pile for the loose ball. A West Virginia player comes out of it with the ball, yet it is ruled ECU ball. How the hell does that work? What could your thought process possibly be on that one. Never in my life have I seen that, and I better not see it again. We really need to see professional officials in college football.
The reason that Pat White fumble wasn't reviewed is because the replay officials happened to be C-USA officials, the conference which E. Carolina belongs to. Only in college football can you have that kind of bias affect officiating. By the way I swear I will have an NFL post up...eventually
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